Lovely post as usual, Graham! I think the example of a post-PhD slump is apt. There is something about the clear, linear progression in education that is comforting. The steps are straightforward and you either make it to the next step or you don’t, but at those turning points, it’s fairly clear why/why not something worked. It’s also largely self-driven, giving the impression that all of life is self-directed and self-determined. I remember feeling terrified to finish school. My MFA had clear benchmarks: Fall critique/Spring critique, all working toward year 3 final exhibition and thesis defense. But after all of that? The abyss of the “real world.” I was afraid of failure, so I resonated with your probes into what failure means. But to go from very rigid structure and benchmarks to no guiding posts at all is a difficult part of growing up. Hence the circle of panic you refer to!
Thank you Emilie. I hear you. Life is certainly easier when there are a defined set of rules or objectives to adhere to, but as I've got older, I've found much joy in negotiating the discomfort of pushing against my instinctive expectations.
The description of your failure to understand your daughter’s thesis title resonates with my own experience. Looking back on life I don’t think I parsed much along a success/failure axis. Probably more along an anxiety/relief one. Memories are unreliable though.
This resonates with me John, and I hadn't really considered it in that way before. Many decisions I've made in my life were not determined at all by fear of failure or desire for specific success, but more on the basis of what might take me towards comfort or away from pain.
Lovely post as usual, Graham! I think the example of a post-PhD slump is apt. There is something about the clear, linear progression in education that is comforting. The steps are straightforward and you either make it to the next step or you don’t, but at those turning points, it’s fairly clear why/why not something worked. It’s also largely self-driven, giving the impression that all of life is self-directed and self-determined. I remember feeling terrified to finish school. My MFA had clear benchmarks: Fall critique/Spring critique, all working toward year 3 final exhibition and thesis defense. But after all of that? The abyss of the “real world.” I was afraid of failure, so I resonated with your probes into what failure means. But to go from very rigid structure and benchmarks to no guiding posts at all is a difficult part of growing up. Hence the circle of panic you refer to!
Thank you Emilie. I hear you. Life is certainly easier when there are a defined set of rules or objectives to adhere to, but as I've got older, I've found much joy in negotiating the discomfort of pushing against my instinctive expectations.
The description of your failure to understand your daughter’s thesis title resonates with my own experience. Looking back on life I don’t think I parsed much along a success/failure axis. Probably more along an anxiety/relief one. Memories are unreliable though.
This resonates with me John, and I hadn't really considered it in that way before. Many decisions I've made in my life were not determined at all by fear of failure or desire for specific success, but more on the basis of what might take me towards comfort or away from pain.
A simple approach to failure:
https://substack.com/@phillipbarbbcoaching/note/c-145574504?r=u02z&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=notes-share-action